5 Steps to Raising Responsible Kids 

How do I start raising responsible kids? Well first, you should note that we’re not just raising kids, we’re raising people. We are our children’s first teacher, in all things.

The biggest lesson I think we learn as parents is that our kids are actually people. I know right- shocking.

But seriously, they’re not always going to be cute little people that put stickers all over the walls and ask for a lollipop 52 (at least) times a day. 

How our kids learn and treat people is up to us. How they problem-solve and decision-make is in our hands. 

So, let’s start raising responsible kids. 

First, what does responsibility look like? 

You may be thinking: “who doesn’t know?” Surprisingly enough, responsibility looks different in kids than it does in adults. Here are some of the main things to look out for:

• Doing something to the best of their ability 
• Acknowledging mistakes
• Facing consequences
• Following through on tasks 

Note: Responsibility is not obedience!

Responsibility is key to a child’s development and sticks with them throughout their adult years. 

How to raise responsible kids in 5 steps. 

#1 Responsible kids thrive on structures and consistent routines 

Having a schedule introduced early on will instill discipline in your child’s life. A schedule allows your child’s day to be broken up and a lot less overwhelming (for you too). 

Note: As your child grows, their needs will change (quickly); as will their schedule. The key to adapting to those changes is consistency. 

Some benefits of a daily routine include: 

• Structure in your household 
• Promotes independence and confidence 
• Gives a sense of safety 
• Establishes expectations 
• Establishes healthy habits 

When you are first introducing a schedule, leave room for error. Change is difficult even for adults and this is where consistency comes in.

I find that my kids adjust better when I gradually make changes to the schedule instead of doing a full 180 on them.

For example: If I find that a specific activity doesn’t work well for my child, I’ll try it at a different time of day instead. Small changes are easier for kids to adjust to, resulting in a more positive response from them.

#2 Encourage your child’s curiosity 

Children want to do everything they see us doing. Everything. Allowing them to help you peaks their interests and opens for more opportunity to teach responsibility.

For example: If your child wants to make their lunch themselves, allow them to while you teach them proper safety from a distance. 

Yes, I know sometimes they can easily make a task go from 5 minutes to 1 hour, but they get the chance to start problem-solving and be excited to start gaining responsibility. 

#3 A problem-solving child is a responsible child

A huge cognitive skill for a growing child to have is the ability to problem solve. This refers to how a child thinks, remembers, understands, and processes information. 

Some ways to teach problem-solving skills:

• Emotional coaching: validating their emotions because there are a lot of those in their little bodies 
• Getting them to recognize their feelings (eg: “i feel” “i am”)
• Talking through the problem: sometimes all they need is a little help 
• Opening them up to finding solutions 
• Reflecting on their problem-solving: everyone likes to be told they’re doing a good job

Teaching these skills and setting the foundation before expecting them to start problem-solving is crucial. How will they learn if they weren’t taught? 

Without this ability, a child might avoid issues and make poor choices instead of trying to solve the problem. A child needs to learn how to tackle problems thrown their way; not only will they become a responsible child, but they will also become an independent child. 

What does problem-solving look like?

Well, it’s a pretty broad term. As your child grows, you’ll start to notice the little things they do are actually from problem-solving skills. Here are some of the more noticeable qualities:

• Using their imagination
• Managing their emotions
• Persistent about finding solutions to their problems
• Brainstorming (creative thinking)
• Negotiating (a whole lot of it)

#4 Model responsible behavior

Children do not like to be told what to do (duh), they like to be shown. As I said before, children want to mimic everything we do. 

The easiest way to raise responsible kids is simply by showing them you like to be responsible too.  

A good way to do this is by introducing chores. Not saying to have your 4 year old mow the lawn, but give everyone in the household age appropriate responsibilities. 

Responsibility in the household could mean cleaning up after themselves, or doing their homework. Point being, they are responsible and consequences exist.

#5 Teach your child about consequences

Your children are just that, children. But one day they won’t be. What better way to learn responsibility than by finding out your actions have consequences? 

Here are some of my favorite ways to teach consequences:

• Set appropriate expectations and clear consequences beforehand
• Discuss consequences (What happens if…)
• Be consistent in expectations 

Note: Consequence is not discipline.

What are consequences?

A consequence is something that happens as a result of particular behavior. It’s important to note that this means both positive and negative behavior.

Positive consequences encourage positive behavior. These consequences include praise, positive attention, and sometimes rewards for good behavior.

Negative consequences make negative behavior less likely to occur. These consequences include delay of privilege, ignoring, and sometimes natural consequences.

What to consider when raising responsible kids 

Again, we are our children’s first teacher. We set the foundation for how they tackle the real world. It’s in our nature to want to solve all of their problems of course. 

But, who does that benefit? Deciding when to step in and when to let your child do it their way is a balancing act. 

Raising responsible kids is far from easy, which is kind of the point. Staying consistent with these 5 steps and continuing to lead by example will make your child want to be responsible (seems crazy, I know). 

Remember: We’re not just raising kids, we’re raising people. Good people.