9 Steps To Overcoming Stay At Home Mom Depression

In this post: How to recognize the signs of stay at home mom depression and how to overcome it.

I’ve been a stay at home mom for 2 years now and it definitely is not what I originally expected.

I thought how fun it would be to be in my pajamas all day, not setting an alarm clock in the morning, playing and cuddling with my kids all day.

Little did I know, it was going to be the hardest job I’ve ever worked.

Before I get into this post, I want to clarify that I am NOT a medical professional. Everything I share is from my own experiences and my opinions.

As a stay at home mom, it’s your job to take care of everyone. You’re kept busy with changing diapers, wiping tears, cleaning the house for someone to just wreck it again; all while severely sleep deprived.

That’s all not including the many other things you have on your plate like your kids education, potty training, swapping out clothes for different seasons/sizes, trying to stay intimate with your partner/spouse, etc..

Life of a stay at home mom is a lot and eventually, if you’re not adding yourself to the list of people to take care of, it can lead to depression.

What is Stay At Home Mom Depression?

Depression can last anywhere from a few weeks, to months, to years. It’s more than just feelings of sadness and losing interest in your regular activities.

Depression is a mood disorder that manifests differently for everyone and is a lot more common than you may think. You could have all the tell-tale signs of it or just a few.

I do think it’s important to add that having depressed “episodes” or feelings does not necessarily mean you are clinically depressed.

And I want to be clear when I say, I am in no way trying to minimize what someone who is clinically depressed may go through.

This is for the stay at home moms who have gotten lost in their motherhood and found themselves in a depressed state.

If you feel you may have clinical depression or want outside help navigating your depression, please speak to a medical professional and/or therapist.

Becoming a stay at home mom is a HUGE shift in your life and ultimately becomes your personality.

Your brain starts focusing more on how you’re going to take care of everyone else and get everything done all the time. So you stop focusing on yourself.

What Are Symptoms of Stay At Home Mom Depression?

Feelings of isolation, loneliness, or resentment
Constantly feeling unhappy, bored, or jealous
Feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated
Feelings of identity loss or having no purpose
Constantly feeling burnt out or with low energy
Frequently feeling frustrated, irritable, and angry

These are all things I’ve felt and still do sometimes feel when stay at home mom depression creeps back up on me.

It’s important to start being aware of these feelings and to recognize the symptoms so you can cope with them as they arise.

What Causes Stay At Home Mom Depression?

Being a stay at home mom is equal to having at least 3 full time jobs, with no pay.

Everything revolves around your family and your household needs to the point that even if you did have time for yourself, you’d feel lazy or guilty for taking 10 minutes to do something just for you.

You’re working long hours.

We don’t clock out, get a lunch break, or PTO.

We work 24/7 because someone always needs something.

All of the repetitive tasks.

Wake up, give the kids breakfast, unload the dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry.

Everyday, like clockwork. You’re resetting the house so someone can wreck it again.

Of course there’s comfort in routine, but sometimes it just feels old and boring.

Oh, and why is there always something popping up last minute?

When your days are repetitive, it can cause you to get lost in the cycle and lose yourself outside of being “mom.”

You have little to no social interaction.

Sometimes I can actually feel the common sense leaving my body.

I literally talk to my kids allllll day.

So there’s a 100 percent chance that when my fiancé comes home, he’s going to hear me talking for at least 2 hours.

There’s a lack of appreciation.

Aside from the cute little “thank you”s here and there, you essentially work a job that is under-appreciated and severely undervalued.

You’re exhausted and overworked but it never seems like enough so you work even harder.

With so much on your plate and soo much pressure, you go into overdrive and then burn out.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t ever see my burnout coming. I get lost in motherhood and back-burner myself all over again.

But..

Since learning these steps to overcome my SAHM depression, I’m able to recognize when I’m IN my burnout and recenter myself before I fall back into depression.

Because “mom” is enough for everyone else, but it’s not cutting it for you.

You CAN fit “me time” into your schedule. You CAN get out of and try to avoid stay at home mom depression.

That’s not to say that it won’t come back.

Sometimes life grabs us by the feet while our kids have us by our hair.

And it feels like it’s all crumbling back down again.

That’s normal. Well, my normal anyway.

Let me tell you how I get out of my stay at home mom depression and find my happiness again.

9 Successful Steps To Overcome Stay At Home Mom Depression

You feel like it helps to dump the stress out on your partner when they get home from work but then feel like you’re complaining too much.

And then you realize that the constant brain dumping on others is only causing stress in your relationships.

You don’t want to seem like you’re complaining so you stop & hold it all in and end up feeling lonely.

So what do you do? Where is YOUR outlet?

How do you get out of this funk of feeling touched out, of wanting to lay in bed and rot, this feeling of being left behind?

1. Start journaling when your mind needs it.

When I first tried journaling, it felt like sooo much pressure and I just put my notebook back down.

Why did it feel like just another thing to do?

Well, because I was using it the wrong way.

Instead of trying to track my moods and write about what I was grateful for on a day that I felt like complete shit, I chose to write about all the “negative” thoughts.

What I really wanted to say when my 5 year old called me “the worst mommy” because I didn’t let her have another cup of juice.

How I really wanted to react when that one family member broke my boundaries, again.

How exhausted I felt from the constant running, kids fighting, and all the cleaning.

Brain dump everything. Just write it out until there’s nothing left to write.

And then leave it there.

2. Self care is not selfish.

You are a person, you are a human.

Your basic needs are SO much more important than throwing another load of laundry in the washer.

Brush your hair, moisturize your face, paint your nails. Nothing has to look perfect.

It’s not something you’re doing to please others. It’s something you’re doing for you.

Spend 20 minutes after getting your kids to bed to have some form of INTENTIONAL self care.

3. Find who you are outside of being a mom.

Find your style and your favorite music. You are not the same person you were before having kids.

Your life is lived in phases. It’s never too late to become who you want to be in this phase of your life.

4. Create a schedule that works for everyone, including yourself.

Before I started planning out my days and following a schedule, my life was a mess.

I never got anything done, I couldn’t focus, my shoulders felt heavy, and I pushed myself into a deep depression because I had no control over my life.

So, I created this stay at home mom schedule to finally get myself organized.

5. Get ready every single day.

It doesn’t have to be a fancy outfit but something you feel nice in.

What do you want to wear today?

Jeans and a cute top? A cute workout set?

Who cares if you’re probably going to be inside all day.

Put energy into how you look throughout the day and it’ll boost your confidence.

6. Find mom friends.

It truly helps when you have someone to relate to.

You don’t feel so alone, they understand exactly what you’re going through without ever having to tell them.

It’s nice to feel seen and normal (stay at home mom normal).

All you need is one mom friend.

7. Get physically active.

I’m sorry to tell you but the constant running around after everyone isn’t going to cut it.

You have to be intentional about moving your body and getting stronger physically.

Whether it’s lifting weights, Pilates, yoga, or a daily run.

As long as it’s for you and you set a reachable goal.

Physically exerting my body has become my favorite anger release.

8. Start new hobbies or pick up old ones.

Spend 20-30 minutes before bed doing an activity you want to do.

Reading a book, crocheting, drawing, etc. It’s something you get to do for your mental peace.

You have the time. Get off your phone.

9. Spend intentional time with your partner/spouse.

Schedule a weekly movie night at home, date nights out when possible, weekly game nights, or just staying up late and talking.

It’s SO easy to get lost in parenthood and your relationship ends up getting back-burnered.

The number one rule for date night is:

You don’t have to spend any money but you have to be present and intentional.